1 Corinthians 13:12
says- “For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I
know in part, but then I shall know even as I am known.”
Even through all the trials, I have
become somewhat of a hopeless optimist in my last 3 years of mission
preparation. I didn’t know I was preparing for a mission for most of that time,
but Heavenly Father was preparing me anyway, because He knows what’s ahead, and
all things work out for eventual good in His timing, as long as we let them.
That’s the subject I would like to talk about today, because looking back it
has been the main theme of my mission prep and in my life- Faith in God’s
Timing, and His plan for each of us. As of a couple years ago, I wasn’t even
going to serve a mission. But then a series of events happened, and I would
love to tell the whole story but we don’t have enough time here, so I’ll give
the short and sweet version. I went to high school in Utah and in 6 months time
after graduation 70% of my classmates were gone on missions. I’ve never been a
trend follower, and hate doing what everyone else is doing, and there was also
a lot of social pressure to go. So naturally with my slightly rebellious and
extremely stubborn nature, I was really sure I wasn’t going to go. I went to
college for a year and a half, and grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. Then I
made plans to transfer my life to Nashville Tennessee, to get more serious
about my songwriting career. I had a job and apartment all lined up, but when
it came down to it, the timing just felt wrong. Driving back to the hotel from
meeting my new roommates, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I knew this was
not the right timing, and I started to panic a little, thinking “God, If I’m
not supposed to do this, what am I supposed to do?” All the other education and
job options I had, replayed in my mind, and none of them seemed right. There must
be something else. And then it was like a voice spoke right in my ear. “Go on a
mission” and the most overwhelming feeling of peace washed over me. From that
moment on, I was 100% in, and never had another doubt in my mind that the Lord
needs me in the mission field right now. Through that whole experience I
learned a very important lesson that Heavenly Father is very much in control,
not me, and he only wants what is best for me. I still want to move to
Nashville after I get home, but I’m going to keep my mind and heart open to
whatever God places in my life. The phrase, “I’ll go where you want me to go,
Dear Lord, I’ll be what you want me to be” from our hymn, has definitely become
a motto for me in the last year.
Often time things happen in our
lives at a different time than we planned or expected, because God’s knows more
than we do, and he can see the whole big picture. All we have to do is trust
him. In Proverbs chapter 3 verses 5-6 it
says “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.”
The day I decided to serve a
mission was January 3rd 2015, and it took me all the way until
August 1st to finally receive my mission assignment. What took so
long? Well, I had to decide to move to Texas with my family, then pack my
house, move, unpack, meet my new bishop and stake president, and spend enough
time getting to know each other so that they could actually give me a recommendation.
You can’t really vouch for someone’s character or ability to serve a mission if
you don’t even know them! Then, there was filling out all the paperwork, going
to doctor appointments, getting dentist records sent over from Utah, and
figuring out insurance! I hit so many stumbling blocks along the way. There were a couple of times when I would
think I was so close to submitting my application, but something would come up
and tack a couple more weeks on. Why did this have to take so long for me? Most
of my friends that have gone on missions have done their paperwork in 2-4
weeks! I was so confused and frustrated. Even after I sent my papers in, it
still took me 3 weeks to get my letter! After I had opened my call, and all my
friends had left, I was sitting at my kitchen table reading and re-reading my
packet kind of just in denial. It had taken me 8 long months to get to that day
and I couldn’t believe I finally knew where I was going. I was so grateful, but
at the same time still so confused. I started to pray, “Heavenly Father, why did this have to take so LONG? I’m just trying to
be a good person and help you out!” A few minutes later my mom came in and
told me something really cool that she had just noticed. My mission is brand
new! It wasn’t even formed until this summer. The reason it took so long for me
to get my paperwork submitted is because my mission wasn’t ready yet! I was
overwhelmed. I really felt so much love for my mission and the people of
Washington already. The more research I did about Yakima, the more I realized
what a completely perfect fit it is for me. First of all, I get to speak
Spanish, which is truly a dream come true. My childhood best friend was
Mexican, and being a part of her life, and a culturally diverse community instilled in me a deep love
for Latino culture and the Spanish language. Right now, I speak enough to get
by if I need to, but I want to be fluent so badly! My Mission is also one of
the largest produce meccas in the States, especially for Apples. That’s a huge
blessing for me, because I have a health problem that requires a special diet,
and I basically live on produce. Heavenly Father is so aware of each of us, and
our needs.
The trials I experienced while
trying to submit my missionary application reminded me of a passage from
Matthew chapter 14, right after Jesus had blessed and fed the five thousand
people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. “And
straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship and go before
him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. He then went up
into a mountain to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. But
the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was
contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on
the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled,
saying, It is a spirit! And they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus
spake unto them saying, be of good cheer, it is I; be not afraid. And Peter
answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou; bid me come unto thee on the water.
And he said, come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship he walked on
the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid;
and beginning to sink, he cried, saying Lord, Save me. And immediately Jesus
stretched forth his hand and caught him and said unto him, O thou of little
faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the
wind ceased.” There are so many times when we have trials and struggles,
and times when we begin to doubt Heavenly Father’s plan for each of us. We see
the boisterous trials we are going through and begin to loose our eternal
perspective. We start to sink in all the stress, but all we have to do is sincerely
ask for help or knowledge. It might not always be immediate like it was for
Peter, but I know he will show us in time the important reasons why we have to
go through the trials.
When I was 13 we had to suddenly
move away from our home here in Rockwall, to Utah Valley, Utah. I stayed there
for almost 6 years, and to be honest, living there was a huge trial for me.
Utah culture is very weird to me, and kind of hard to explain. It is just so
completely different from Texas. There’s hardly any separation from church and
school because the community is 90% Mormon. The whole social structure there is
based around extended family, and the only extended family I have is in Texas,
Michigan, and California. Most families I knew had been in Utah for many generations,
starting with the Mormon Pioneers, and there was a severe lack of ethnic and
cultural diversity, compared to what I was used to in Texas. When we first
moved there, there were kids at school who would laugh at me when I said “yall”
or “fixin to”, and others who would call me a hillbilly when they thought I
wasn’t listening. I never could quite fit in, and it made me miserable. I was
beginning to have a hard time separating doctrine from culture, and losing my
faith in the Church. For years I had been upset wondering why we were still
stuck in Utah. We had made several attempts to move away, but all of them had
fallen through. It wasn’t all bad though; there were some really good times and
a lot of blessings that came from living in Utah. I met my 2 best friends, I
was 30 minutes away from Temple Square, and I rarely had to listen to swearing
at school. And the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. My family loves outdoor
stuff, and we lived 2 minutes away from the mouth of the American Fork
Canyon-which is the perfect place for camping, hiking, rock climbing, and
zip-lining! I even had the chance to perform in a featured choir at Carnegie
Hall in New York City, because of the high school I went to. It wasn’t until I
had lived there for nearly 5 years, that I truly humbled myself and realized
these blessings. I had always thought that probably when I graduated high
school I could finally get out of there and go to college in Tennessee or
somewhere. But after having a spiritual confirmation that I needed to go to
Utah State University, I understood that obviously I wasn’t going anywhere, and
if I was going to stay in Utah I might as well like it. I realized that I was
the weird one, and no matter how mad or annoyed I was at the culture around me,
it wasn’t changing anything. The only person it affected was myself. I felt
guilty for all the years I had wasted being angry, and prayed to Heavenly
Father that he would help me learn to love Utah, and then I went to work. I
started channeling the peacemaker side of my personality, and started to see
the positives all around me. It actually turned out kind of funny, because as
soon as I accepted Utah and my life there, that was when I finally had an
opportunity to move back to Texas, and succeeded. Living in Utah was one of the
hardest trials of my life, but I am thankful for it, because I was humbled, and
became a much more positive person. And I fully believe that timing was
everything. Maybe I wasn’t ready when I was 15, 16, or 17 to be humbled like
that. The greatest changes happen right after a low point. It’s like we’re
starting over at the bottom, so Heavenly Father can build us back up, a much
better and happier person.
In Conference a couple of weeks ago, sister Neill F.
Marriot quoted a beautiful Protestant hymn called “Have thine own way”, which
also just so happens to one of my favorite gospel songs. I would like to share
some of the lyrics as my talk begins to close. “Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way. Thou art the potter, I am
the clay. Mold me an make me after thy will. While I am waiting, yielded and
still. Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way. Search me and try me, Master, today. Whiter
than snow, Lord, wash me just now. As in Thy presence, humbly I bow.”
I don’t
know what is coming up for me. There have been some huge trials to face in the
last couple of months, and I have learned so much already. Missions are hard,
really, really hard, and I know I’m going to miss home so much, but I know that
even if I only help one person, it will be worth it. I know that this Church is
true. I bear my witness that the leaders of this Church are called of God, and
that if we do our best to take their advice, and live the standards laid out
for us in the Scriptures, our lives will be filled with good attitudes, peace,
and lasting happiness. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, and the
restoration of the full Gospel through modern prophets. I am so grateful for my
family and the knowledge that I can be with them for eternity. I have a
testimony of the power of prayer, and that even if we didn’t get the answer we
wanted, it doesn’t mean He didn’t answer. And most of all, I know that Heavenly
Father loves every one of us. In the hardest trials, or happiest moments, and
even just regular old days, He never abandons us. I am so grateful for my
chance to serve the people in Yakima Washington, and my Savior, Jesus Christ,
and I say these things in His name, Amen.
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